writing is an unburdening of the soul. a total release. a rebellion against control. often a painful process. an act that brings with it fear and the unknown. an explosion. delayed gratification. a mystery. a word or a phrase caught fire. a brain working in the background. disfunction and dissatisfaction. a knockout blow. death by 1000 jabs. smooth jazz and curling smoke.
a guitar smashed over the head. subverting expectation. writing is not what you think it is. just words that mean nothing on their own, put together and given meaning and no meaning just beautiful and violent intentions. vicious cuts. easy words that make you feel warm. not blood, guts and glory but guts and gore and garbage and a rare shot at glory. an impossible stretch. but other times it's winning without effort. small victories.
climbing that goddamn mountain and getting out of bed. feeling alive simultaneously feeling dead. writing is nothing. and to some everything. writing is action and not action but words. cranking out a masterpiece. expectations garroted. hung out to dry. editing and publishers and doubt.
your own worst enemy. nightmares. dreams in words and fragments. waking in mad panic at 3am to type a rushed line into your notes app. writing is being awake when the world is sleepwalking. writing is dreaming. faceless and nameless. beyond me. an endless dance towards illusory perfection.